Am I foolish? I am foolish!

I may be a stupid 18 year old girl, who sees the good in mankind and has foolish hope. And maybe because of that, more bad things will happen to me. But even if that happens, I will still have hope, and therefore still be happy. Even when bad things have happened to me, I have still had hope. Maybe it takes a while, but in the end, hope sprouts up.

And a realist thinking person, a pessimist, will always see the bad things, and they may, MAY, make the better decisions, but will still see all of the bad things. So in the end, who’s really going to be the happy one? The foolish 18 year old.

How could anyone choose not to be happy? What is so wrong about being happy? How is being happy foolish? I do not think I am stupid, and I also don't think I'm a genius either. But am I foolish for looking for happiness? If you’re happy, then it won’t matter to you if you’re foolish! It won't matter if you don't make millions!  So just freaken choose happiness!

Now of course, I know that it’s really not a choice, it’s a mentality, but sometimes you can make decisions that leads to the outcome that makes YOU feel good about being YOU.

So just be freaken optimistic for once!

Quotes.

I enjoy reading, and I can usually find some quotes that I really love a lot.

"Everything that comes together falls apart," the Old Man said. "Everything. The chair I'm sitting on. It was built, and so it will fall apart. I'm gonna fall apart, probably before this chair. And you're gonna fall apart. The cells and organs and systems that make you you-they came together, grew together, and so must fall apart. The Buddha knew one thing science didn't prove for millennia after his death: Entropy increases. Things fall apart."
John Green- Looking for Alaska

“We are all going, I thought, and it applies to turtles and turtlenecks, Alaska the girl and Alaska the place, because nothing can last, not even the earth itself. The Buddha said that suffering was caused by desire, we'd learned, and that the cessation of desire meant the cessation of suffering. When you stopped wishing things wouldn't fall apart, you'd stop suffering when they did.” 
John Green- Looking for Alaska

"The sickness rolled through me in great waves. After each wave it would fade away and leave me limp as a wet leaf and shivering all over and then I would feel it rising up in me again, and the glittering white torture chamber tiles under my feet and over my head and all four sides closed in and squeezed me to pieces."
Sylvia Plath- The Bell Jar

"But what did I have left to contribute? Just this? Just being the last known pair of truly human eyes to look up into the sky and experience the fleeting flush of hope? Being a person, I had come to realize, is a communal activity. Dogs know how to be dogs. But people do not know how to be people unless and until they learn from other people."

John Green- Zombiecorns

"And who knows (one cannot vouch for it), perhaps the whole goal mankind strives for on earth consists just in this ceaselessness of the process of achievement alone, that is to say, in life itself, and not essentially in the goal, which, of course, is bound to be nothing other than two times two is four-that is, a formula; and two times two is four is no longer life, gentlemen, but the beginning of death"

Fyodor Dostoevsky- Notes from Underground

"In every mans memories there are such things as he will reveal not to everyone, but perhaps only to friends. There are also such as he will reveal not even to friends, but only to himself, and that in secret. Then, finally, there are such as a man is afraid to reveal even to himself, and every decent man will have accumulated quite a few things of this sort"
Fyodor Dostoevsky- Notes from Underground

"It is a curious subject of observation and inquiry, whether hatred or love be not the same thing at bottom. Each, in its utmost development, supposes a high degree of intimacy and heart-knowledge; each renders one individual dependent for the food of his affections and spiritual life upon another; each leaves the passionate lover, or the no less passionate hater, forlorn and desolate by the withdrawal of his subject. Philosophically considered, therefore, the two passions seem essentially the same, except that one happens to be seen in celestial radiance, and the other in a dusky and lurid glow."

Nathanial Hawthorne- The Scarlet Letter

This is all I could think of for now, but in the future I will find more in my readings.

My Second Entry

I don't want this blog to just be me puking out my thoughts like an elementary school kid writes in a diary. This will not be something I do everyday that follows my every footstep on what I do on every day occurrences. So I thought that this time I would try to describe more about me, and in turn that may help to decipher and understand my viewpoints.

One aspect of my life that has defined me is that I am the youngest of four. I am also the first of that four who actually wanted to attend college, and have an eagerness in doing it. During my high school years, the actions and mistakes of my older siblings all trickled down to affect me the most. While they were affected by what they themselves did, I had to live with the consequences of what all three of them did combined. While I did not see it at the time, this made me become more driven to succeed and not make the same mistakes they did. But that's not so say that I myself haven't made my fair share of mistakes. However, that is why I find myself where I am today, in college, with the intent of earning a degree, and then later taking my knowledge and using it to help others. I CAN do better, and I WILL do better. I've done that so far, haven't I?

Why am I even doing this?

I am going to start off by saying that I am no writer. I have no point or lesson that I want to teach, nor have I written extensively about anything, save for random poems I used to write when I was a depressed teen. I still am a teen, just not a depressed one. My grammar is not perfect. Nor is blogging the most important thing that I feel I need to do. However, I just recently discovered that I made an account with this blog a long while back, so I might as well use it, despite my lack of interesting writing techniques and a self consciousness about other people even reading this. But I digress.

I am a freshman at the University at Buffalo. Every time I walk out of my dorm room, I look at all the large buildings associated with the university and think, wow, I am actually here. Being here is quite the change, even though it is only 2 hours away from the house where my mother resides and where I lived for most of my high school years. Most people here would be surprised to know that I actually live on a farm, can run through a wheat field, and stand in the midst of 70 acres that I can call my home, not much sounds but birds chirping, and probably me singing my heart out. I mean why not? No one else can hear me anyways, and I love singing. In fact, I can sing my heart out even if other people can hear me. So I guess it doesnt matter my location.

My major at the moment is Psychology. My reasoning for this in the beginning was to help people who had the same troubles as me back when I was an emo teenager. But now I look back at those times and realize that my problems were not very significant. However, I still want to help people, and understand why people do what they do. It's fascinating to me.

So yeah, that's all I have for now. This is probably just going to be a place where I can put down my thoughts, as insignificant as they are.